There has been plenty of news lately about Myanmar (or Burma) is showing signs of reform and change with regards to their record on human rights violations and civil conflicts. While this might be the show being put on for international media, the country has still not stopped its nonstop abuses relating to long-running civil conflicts in ethnic areas, as well as a military of torture, rape and forced labor(check out this article for more information).
Working closely with a few Burmese refugees, they have shared their disbelief and distrust of the government and their message of change. It’s basically a pay no attention to the man behind the curtain situation. We want to believe that the Myanmar government wants to change their ways, and not pay attention to the atrocities that are still occurring. For more information, head over to the Human Rights Watch page on Burma.
PB: As of the time of my reply, there is an error in your first sentence. You wrote “There has been plenty of news lately about Myanmar (or Burma) is showing signs...” I’m not sure about the psychology behind whether or not visitors read your posts, but I assume the first sentence is important. I am often guilty of typos and errors myself, so I suppose this is something we’ll have to work on during this course.
ReplyDeleteThe phrase “not stopped its nonstop” also stood out. It’s awkward. If I were to edit this post, I would probably reword that part.
You’re also missing a space in between the word “labor” and the parentheses.
There is an undefined pronoun in the start of your second paragraph. Instead of using “they,” I’d say who they are. Who is it that’s working closely with Burmese refugees?
I’m not positive, but I also think you would need to hyphenate “man behind the curtain” because it’s a string of connected adjective modifying a single noun. Perhaps another poster can confirm this supposition.
There are a few more errors, but those are the ones that really leapt out at me.
I really like that your post is so succinct. Having hyperlinks also adds to the post’s usefulness, I think.
I’m not sure what kind of comments I’m supposed to leave here, so I hope you don’t mind my suggested edits. I enjoy grammar and hope to learn more about it.
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I do appreciate all your feedback! Almost every critique gives you a tool to more effectively create the tomorrow you visualize. Please don't hesitate to leave more comments, as we are all here to learn.
ReplyDeleteZero caught most of the errors I did. I also noticed this…
ReplyDeleteWe want to believe that the Myanmar government wants to…not pay attention to the atrocities that are still occurring.
You hope they want to continue to ignore the atrocities? Watch those double negatives.
Again though, what concerns me most is the content. This is an update with links to more updates.
But what can I -your audience member- do?